I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
