During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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