I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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