don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
