left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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