You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
