Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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