he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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