I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
