My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
