What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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