thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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