I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
