can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
