I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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