Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
