I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
