I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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