fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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