guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
