What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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