This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
