Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
