remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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