I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
