I seem to have left my pride at pride
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
