I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
