my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
