Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
