Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
