Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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