My nipple is on Facebook.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
