he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
