I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
