your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
