also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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