i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
