My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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