you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't deserve a penis
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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