I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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