My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
