whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
