she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
