So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
