I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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