i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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