I hate your face
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
