I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
