My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
