So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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